Post by Rumasai on Jul 17, 2012 6:21:19 GMT -5
Nobody take any offense to this post. I'm just in a terrible mood, and feel that it's time I stood my ground. Now then...
The other day, I was informed that all who ended up hanging at Pete's house on two Saturdays ago ended up doing nothing, and so this site was visited. Before I was even able to ask, it was made abundantly clear that everyone engaged in making me the main target of laughter and insults upon the visit to this very site. Feeling upset and humiliated by this fact, I walked out of the Burger King, as I was out eating with Pete, Dave, and Jon. Funnier, still, is that Jon is the only one who followed me to make sure I was okay.
Honestly, I was hurt.
I was even invited to attend the hangout before it happened. Now, I'm really glad that I didn't come. Only, now I have to wonder how frequently any of you come here on your "bored and doing nothing time" to laugh at me. I've tried saying it many times. I'm personally embarrassed by who I was all those years ago, and bringing it back up only serves to upset me, to lower my self esteem, and to build up a certain anger towards everyone.
It's taken every bit of self control not to just go and delete every single thread that I've ever been a part of. Extreme? Probably, but I'm sick of this shit. I have no desire to hang out with any of you in the near future, as I know that the visitation of this site threatens my already low confidence.
I've tried to laugh at it, and to deal with it. It was too much for me then, and it's still too much for me now. Rather than dwell on my awful past, I'd rather look forward, and make strides to become a better man. It's difficult to accomplish such when everyone is stuck in the past laughing at me though.
I've asked nicely, but as it would turn out, my feelings and emotions on this don't matter at all. This is extreme, and I'll regret saying this tomorrow, I'm sure, but I feel if I don't say this now, I never will. This is one such time that I'm reminded why I "lose my cool" only around you guys, why Jake is the only person I really yell at, why I don't make a good effort to contact Mike first sometimes, and why Pete and Dave have points in time where they hear significantly less from me.
I understand that I was pretty dumb, (if I didn't realize this, I wouldn't take personal offense to you guys consistently bringing this shit up) but this really makes me feel inferior to all of you. You hold this over me as if I killed your mother or something. All I want is for my 2006-2007 counterpart to be forgotten, or not even to exist. I feel like our friendship could be so much better, so much closer if this could just be left behind, but I know better than to think that will ever happen. That's been proven time and time again.
I'm tired of everyone and everything, and I just want to be in the company of people who actually want my company because I'm a good friend, not a laughing stock. I frequently find myself questioning how any of you actually see me. That said, I've let this build up so much inside of me, and I felt the need to express myself to each of you this time. All of you wonder why I'm so temperamental sometimes, and I'm finally coming out and giving you a straight answer. "Yes. I'm fucking pissed. Deal with it."
Rather than offend anyone, I hope this helped make sense of my recent actions and questionable mannerisms. I admit, I'm a sensitive guy. I don't care if you don't give a shit, I still do, and I refuse to change that part of me. I hope this is the last time I have to hear about "HAHAHAHAHAHA ORVILLE IS/WAS SO GODDAMN STUPID I MEAN DID YOU READ THAT SHIT HAHAHAHA IT'S SO FUCKING DUMB WHY DID HE EVEN THINK THAT WAS A GOOD IDEA HAHAHAHAHA GOODY FUCKING TWO SHOES HAHAHAHAHA BADLY PLACED SPAM ROMANCE HAHAHAHAHAHA ORVILLE IS DUMB!" as this is about what I hear whenever this gets brought up by any of you. With this, I must retire for the evening, and bid all of thee goodnight.
The other day, I was informed that all who ended up hanging at Pete's house on two Saturdays ago ended up doing nothing, and so this site was visited. Before I was even able to ask, it was made abundantly clear that everyone engaged in making me the main target of laughter and insults upon the visit to this very site. Feeling upset and humiliated by this fact, I walked out of the Burger King, as I was out eating with Pete, Dave, and Jon. Funnier, still, is that Jon is the only one who followed me to make sure I was okay.
Honestly, I was hurt.
I was even invited to attend the hangout before it happened. Now, I'm really glad that I didn't come. Only, now I have to wonder how frequently any of you come here on your "bored and doing nothing time" to laugh at me. I've tried saying it many times. I'm personally embarrassed by who I was all those years ago, and bringing it back up only serves to upset me, to lower my self esteem, and to build up a certain anger towards everyone.
It's taken every bit of self control not to just go and delete every single thread that I've ever been a part of. Extreme? Probably, but I'm sick of this shit. I have no desire to hang out with any of you in the near future, as I know that the visitation of this site threatens my already low confidence.
I've tried to laugh at it, and to deal with it. It was too much for me then, and it's still too much for me now. Rather than dwell on my awful past, I'd rather look forward, and make strides to become a better man. It's difficult to accomplish such when everyone is stuck in the past laughing at me though.
I've asked nicely, but as it would turn out, my feelings and emotions on this don't matter at all. This is extreme, and I'll regret saying this tomorrow, I'm sure, but I feel if I don't say this now, I never will. This is one such time that I'm reminded why I "lose my cool" only around you guys, why Jake is the only person I really yell at, why I don't make a good effort to contact Mike first sometimes, and why Pete and Dave have points in time where they hear significantly less from me.
I understand that I was pretty dumb, (if I didn't realize this, I wouldn't take personal offense to you guys consistently bringing this shit up) but this really makes me feel inferior to all of you. You hold this over me as if I killed your mother or something. All I want is for my 2006-2007 counterpart to be forgotten, or not even to exist. I feel like our friendship could be so much better, so much closer if this could just be left behind, but I know better than to think that will ever happen. That's been proven time and time again.
I'm tired of everyone and everything, and I just want to be in the company of people who actually want my company because I'm a good friend, not a laughing stock. I frequently find myself questioning how any of you actually see me. That said, I've let this build up so much inside of me, and I felt the need to express myself to each of you this time. All of you wonder why I'm so temperamental sometimes, and I'm finally coming out and giving you a straight answer. "Yes. I'm fucking pissed. Deal with it."
Rather than offend anyone, I hope this helped make sense of my recent actions and questionable mannerisms. I admit, I'm a sensitive guy. I don't care if you don't give a shit, I still do, and I refuse to change that part of me. I hope this is the last time I have to hear about "HAHAHAHAHAHA ORVILLE IS/WAS SO GODDAMN STUPID I MEAN DID YOU READ THAT SHIT HAHAHAHA IT'S SO FUCKING DUMB WHY DID HE EVEN THINK THAT WAS A GOOD IDEA HAHAHAHAHA GOODY FUCKING TWO SHOES HAHAHAHAHA BADLY PLACED SPAM ROMANCE HAHAHAHAHAHA ORVILLE IS DUMB!" as this is about what I hear whenever this gets brought up by any of you. With this, I must retire for the evening, and bid all of thee goodnight.
