Post by Hades. on Jun 14, 2010 4:17:24 GMT -5
["Ice means meth and "snow" means cocaine in drug speak xD]
I guess I'd like to make it known as a disclaimer that--like Gamedout did--this rant is specifically about boys and their use of drugs. And yeah, when I say "boys," I GUESS I do mean love (if I were to speak about past lovers.)
Even though this "rant" is about BOYS in general that I've dated that have done drugs and about drugs themselves, the rant is also specifically directed towards ONE boy in specific (and pretty much the one who led me to this amazing decision of being done with men who even consider drugs c: heh)
Of course, you don't have to read it, but if you do read it, it might seem pointless and boring and long and disappointing. You've been warned, however, so read at your own expense.
I'll start by saying that not all my relationships with guys that HAVE done/experienced drugs have been bad or end up badly. Actually, both actual relationships I've had with drug users went pretty great and they both won my heart sincerely, but it eventually dragged out to a form of disaster.
A guy from my recent past--after chasing after me, asking for my number and wanting to "get" with me--told my dad a bunch of bullshit during my stay in Colorado.
The reason I'm pissed off is because he was the one to whisper these "sweet nothings" to me and come looking for me and visiting me at my house and then completely turns against me. You know because a sincere, "Oh actually, I've been doing some thinking and I'm not really interested," isn't appreciated. No. He had to go and call my dad and tell him this simple little lies just to condemn his fate further. And while I oh so amazingly find out about the in-depth story in my return, I also find out he's snorting a bunch of coke, and that was just the cherry on top of all this piling shit. It pisses me off to know that yet another guy--regardless of how much of a jerk he was--had to destroy himself with these brain-damaging chemicals.
I'm also very pissed about the fact that people tell me how much of a bitch I am because I get defensive easily and have built a wall that basically keeps everyone away around me.
While he decided to be nice and seek me out, I was learning how to be more open, warm and welcoming to people again and all I received while giving myself a chance at trust was this bullshit.
Don't talk to me about concealing myself in a defensive, deflective wall being a bad thing.
I'm not sure if you all know this but sometime at the ending of last year/beginning of this year, I was dating a guy who was a junkie. Although I liked the real him, the drug-free him, the drug him also knew how to charm me and I tried helping him with his situation and yet he found stealthy ways of doing them behind my back while I was THERE. For the most part, the relationship was well, and then it crumbled down thanks to a relapse he had after a month of being in rehab, lies and mistrust.
If he only had talked to me about it like couples should in relationships, then everything would have been alright. But I guess shitty friends that gossip about people's opinion are way more important that a girl who supposedly means the world to a guy.
I am sick and tired of lies and mistrust. Everything has to turn into liquefied shit because of a simple misunderstanding, a rumor or a little lie or because of drugs damaging the brain so hard, all you know how to do is be an asshole and talk behind everyone's back while perfectly pulling a sugar-coated mask in front of the world.
I really wished guys weren't so stupid and didn't give into these addictive drugs in the first place. I'm so fed up with these situations. I help them out and all I get in return is more shit. I'm tired, I'm definitely done. I'm seriously considering creating a questionnaire for any guy who wants to date me or even be my friend. ._. It's gone this far. These ungrateful shits don't even remotely consider for a fragment of a second the people who really helped them out or tried their hardest while being affected by the situation.
Simple things like, "Hey, um, I heard this and lemme say that if you say the truth, I won't hold it against you, everyone deserves a second chance," don't even exist anymore as corny as that might sound. A simple, "Actually, I have my eye one someone else," or, "I'm not interested at the moment," or, "I only see you as a friend," doesn't suffice anymore. The whole drug addict world has to demean everyone else to the point of anger so they can get pleasure out of humanity anymore.
.___. sorry. Of course my views aren't entirely like that, but blind anger speaks for me sometimes especially at 3-4 in the morning.
I guess I'd like to make it known as a disclaimer that--like Gamedout did--this rant is specifically about boys and their use of drugs. And yeah, when I say "boys," I GUESS I do mean love (if I were to speak about past lovers.)
Even though this "rant" is about BOYS in general that I've dated that have done drugs and about drugs themselves, the rant is also specifically directed towards ONE boy in specific (and pretty much the one who led me to this amazing decision of being done with men who even consider drugs c: heh)
Of course, you don't have to read it, but if you do read it, it might seem pointless and boring and long and disappointing. You've been warned, however, so read at your own expense.
I'll start by saying that not all my relationships with guys that HAVE done/experienced drugs have been bad or end up badly. Actually, both actual relationships I've had with drug users went pretty great and they both won my heart sincerely, but it eventually dragged out to a form of disaster.
A guy from my recent past--after chasing after me, asking for my number and wanting to "get" with me--told my dad a bunch of bullshit during my stay in Colorado.
The reason I'm pissed off is because he was the one to whisper these "sweet nothings" to me and come looking for me and visiting me at my house and then completely turns against me. You know because a sincere, "Oh actually, I've been doing some thinking and I'm not really interested," isn't appreciated. No. He had to go and call my dad and tell him this simple little lies just to condemn his fate further. And while I oh so amazingly find out about the in-depth story in my return, I also find out he's snorting a bunch of coke, and that was just the cherry on top of all this piling shit. It pisses me off to know that yet another guy--regardless of how much of a jerk he was--had to destroy himself with these brain-damaging chemicals.
I'm also very pissed about the fact that people tell me how much of a bitch I am because I get defensive easily and have built a wall that basically keeps everyone away around me.
While he decided to be nice and seek me out, I was learning how to be more open, warm and welcoming to people again and all I received while giving myself a chance at trust was this bullshit.
Don't talk to me about concealing myself in a defensive, deflective wall being a bad thing.
I'm not sure if you all know this but sometime at the ending of last year/beginning of this year, I was dating a guy who was a junkie. Although I liked the real him, the drug-free him, the drug him also knew how to charm me and I tried helping him with his situation and yet he found stealthy ways of doing them behind my back while I was THERE. For the most part, the relationship was well, and then it crumbled down thanks to a relapse he had after a month of being in rehab, lies and mistrust.
If he only had talked to me about it like couples should in relationships, then everything would have been alright. But I guess shitty friends that gossip about people's opinion are way more important that a girl who supposedly means the world to a guy.
I am sick and tired of lies and mistrust. Everything has to turn into liquefied shit because of a simple misunderstanding, a rumor or a little lie or because of drugs damaging the brain so hard, all you know how to do is be an asshole and talk behind everyone's back while perfectly pulling a sugar-coated mask in front of the world.
I really wished guys weren't so stupid and didn't give into these addictive drugs in the first place. I'm so fed up with these situations. I help them out and all I get in return is more shit. I'm tired, I'm definitely done. I'm seriously considering creating a questionnaire for any guy who wants to date me or even be my friend. ._. It's gone this far. These ungrateful shits don't even remotely consider for a fragment of a second the people who really helped them out or tried their hardest while being affected by the situation.
Simple things like, "Hey, um, I heard this and lemme say that if you say the truth, I won't hold it against you, everyone deserves a second chance," don't even exist anymore as corny as that might sound. A simple, "Actually, I have my eye one someone else," or, "I'm not interested at the moment," or, "I only see you as a friend," doesn't suffice anymore. The whole drug addict world has to demean everyone else to the point of anger so they can get pleasure out of humanity anymore.
.___. sorry. Of course my views aren't entirely like that, but blind anger speaks for me sometimes especially at 3-4 in the morning.